if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
