im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
