it wasn't lemon gatorade
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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