planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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