I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
