were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
