last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
