those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
