Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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