My hand turned me down
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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