I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
