we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
