i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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