i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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