I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
