hotel room ftw
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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