well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
