Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My balls are so social today.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
