I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
