I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
