Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
