maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love having hate sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
