Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
