I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
