Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
