I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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