Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
should my penis look like a turkey
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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