Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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