i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
