May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
