Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
