Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
