He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
