We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
