I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
high people should be assigned attendants
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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