I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
