wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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