He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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