omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
