chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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