He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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