i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
