I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
