My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
