Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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