U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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