the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Farmville is her only friend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
