i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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