You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
