i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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